


vine isn't dead

by porcelaincarnival



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Protective Avengers, Team as Family, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Vines, so many characters i probably missed some
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-27 22:30:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16711258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porcelaincarnival/pseuds/porcelaincarnival
Summary: What do the Avengers do to cheer up their youngest member who's on bed rest?Make a vine compilation





	vine isn't dead

**Author's Note:**

> this is my thanksgiving gift to anyone reading ! thank you for all your support :)

After Peter’s best friend Ned visited the injured vigilante in the med bay, Tony was stopped by the worried teenager.

 

“Mr. Stark?”

 

He turned, “Yeah, kid?”

 

Ned looked around nervously, like he didn't want anyone else to hear him.  The only other person near them was Dr. Cho, who was scribbling on a clipboard.  She gave them a knowing smile and left the hallway into Peter’s room.

 

“Peter’s upset.  I think it’s because he feels like he embarrassed himself or he didn’t prove himself.  He told me he hates he’s in there because he thinks he was being stupid.”

 

It was Spider-man’s first mission with the Avengers.  No, he wasn’t an official Avenger, and he was definitely not called into action like the others, he was just “in the neighborhood.”  

 

_ “Hey everyone!”  Spidey swung by, then flipped onto the hood of a car being lifted by Scarlet Witch’s red magic. _

 

_ “Kid!  Get out of here it’s too dangerous!”  Falcon was soaring overhead, carrying a surprised Captain America who echoed the flier’s words. _

 

_ “No, no, it’s okay!  I was nearby anyway, don’t get a hernia.”  They could see the hyper-realistic eyes of his suit narrow in good humor, head tilting _

 

_ “Shouldn't you be at school?”  Called Iron Man, who was aiming a repulsor at the aliens in the sky _

 

_ “It ended already!”  Spider-man replied, webbing one to the ground _

 

_ “Well if you want to help, there’s civilians on Queens Blvd who need evacuating.  Get to it.” said Black Widow over the comms _

 

_ “You got it!”  He shot a web onto a passing monster with gigantic wings and hitched a ride _

 

_ He did that task successfully, then it was just the heroes fighting in an empty park.  To give him some credit, he put up a good fight, he really did. He kicked an alien in the back and sent it flying into a lamppost, wincing at the sound of the creature’s ribs (did they have bones?) cracking, it didn’t die so he webbed it up so it wouldn't move.  At one point he was chucked all the way across the park where he narrowly missed becoming a pancake by shooting a web and attaching to Vision’s foot. _

 

_ Unfortunately, he was caught in a cross-fire between an alien who looked like a combination of a snail and fire hydrant, and Hawkeye who was facing another direction.  Being the self-sacrificing idiot he is, Spidey threw himself into the beam the creature shot. _

 

_ He exclaimed upon impact, alerting the archer (who only then noticed the fight behind him) and he quickly shot an arrow through the alien’s forehead, black colored goo spurted out splattering him in the face.  Hawkeye reached his arm up to catch the teenager. _

 

_ There was a severe burn on his chest, about the size of a basketball and the spider symbol that used to be there was gone, replaced by charred skin and sizzling muscle.  The vigilante fumbled to pull his mask up above his mouth and he greedily sucked in air, making choked gasps. _

 

_ “Spidey’s down, I repeat, Spidey’s down!  I need medical!” Hawkeye shouted _

 

_ “What?!”  Iron Man roared over the chaos, “shit, kid?!” _

 

_ The hero, now just young Peter, jostled in his arms, making a noise akin to a whimper, “Clint?” _

 

_ “Yeah, bud, I got you, you’re okay,”  his voice trembled, “I said I need medical!” _

 

_ “On it!”  War Machine swooped down and offered his arms _

 

_ “Okay, bud, hold on, you’re gonna be okay.  Got him, Rhodey?” Peter gagged as he was passed over _

 

_ “Yeah.  I’ll take him to the tower, Tony call Helen Cho!” _

 

_ “Already did.  Make sure he makes it out alive or else I won't have anyone to yell at.”  Iron Man hid his fear underneath a façade of humor _

 

_ By the time Dr. Cho patched up the main injury, he was left with a gigantic healing burn, whiplash, a broken arm, and countless bruises from the fight leading up to that moment.  She put him under and by the time he woke up, he was faced with a room filled with balloons, cards, and stuffed animals. _

 

_ And an angry Aunt May, Tony Stark, and Steve Rogers. _

 

_ He got an earful from all three at the same time, followed by a group hug. _

 

_ “Thank goodness you’re okay.”  They lamented _

 

“His ‘stupidity’ saved Clint’s life, I think he should be okay.”  He told Peter’s best friend

 

Ned shrugged, “I hope he knows that.  For now, he’s pretty sad. I tried cheering him up.”

 

“Thanks for that, Ned.  I’ll do something about it.  Do you need Happy to take you home?”

 

~

 

Everyone sat in the living room, cleaned up and dressed comfortably.  They usually had a pizza party after a mission, but they were missing Peter.  He never was allowed on missions, but he usually joined the binge eating anyway.  Tony stepped out of the elevator and saw them mournfully eating their slices. He made his way over, snatching a piece of pepperoni pizza, and sat on the armchair.

 

“Good news, he should be out in a few days.  Bad news, he’s in a teenage funk where he thinks it was his fault.”

 

“I’m happy to hear the boy of spiders is okay.”  Thor was cradling an entire pizza box, eating the entire circle by taking bites from the sides.

 

“What’s up with him?”  asked Bucky

 

“You know the usual guilt complex the size of the moon thing.  His best friend told me he’s feeling down because of his injury.”

 

Clint winced, “I still feel bad.  I don’t know how I’m gonna make it up to him, I feel like I should give him something more than a stuffed frog and card I bought from CVS.”

 

Something dawned on Tony, it was visible on his face, he lit up like a neon diner sign and snapped his fingers.

 

“I know exactly what will cheer him up.”

 

~

 

Peter was scrolling on Tumblr, shamelessly reading Spider-man identity theories.  The closest thing to the truth the conspirators had was a twenty-year-old college student seen wearing a red shirt.  When he clicked on the picture it was so grainy he swore there were only five pixels. Out of boredom, he used his spam account to add a theory that Spider-man was a realistic robot built by Tony Stark and Bruce Banner.  He provided fake facts that sounded believable just to throw the theories off for a few weeks.

 

“Mr. Parker, you have one video that has been put into your ‘urgent’ files.  Would you like for me to play it?” FRIDAY’s voice startled him out of his quest to mess with his own supporters.

 

“Y-yeah, that’d be great, thanks.”  He sat up with difficulty, propping himself against the pillows

 

A projection was broadcasted in front of him, hovering in front of his face.  The thumbnail was blank and the video was untitled. He frowned, if it was really important, wouldn’t someone label it?  He pressed play and nearly felt his jaw hit the ground.

 

The Mii theme played as text appeared on the screen, in Comic Sans:

 

_ hi peter :)  we know you’re a down in the dumps, so we made you a little get well present.  -love, your favorite avengers (and aunt may, and your two nerd friends, and the princess of wakanda with her brother, and a trickster god, and some outer space people)  _

 

“Oh my god,”  He said out loud, “is this…?”

 

It was.

 

A vine compilation.

 

~

 

_ Three days ago. _

 

“What’s a ‘vine’ and why does Peter love them so much?”  Steve asked, air quoting

 

“Oh, those.  Essentially, a website of short seven second videos shut down and those videos were really popular.  They’re supposed to be funny.” informed Vision, who unfortunately had the pleasant experience of being told,  _ ‘Hi, my name is Chelsea, what’s your favorite dinner food?’ _ as Peter slowly opened Vision’s bedroom door at five am.  It was the first time anyone had ever heard the android scream.

 

“He’s assigned a vine to each of us, I remember.”  Natasha once was engaged in a conversation with Peter while she drove him to the tower from school as he rambled the ‘perfect’ vines to everyone he’s ever met in the superheroing business.

 

“Great, so we can use those and add our own?  Everyone has to make at least one,” Tony said, clapping his hands, “let’s go and recreate some vines!”

 

For some reason, they all had so much fun they ended up making multiple each, roping in other heroes like the Guardians, Dr. Strange and company, and ‘The Revengers’.  (Stupid name, if you ask the originals) Tony and Bruce offered to edit and as soon as they finished they dropped it in Peter’s files. They high-fived and made their way over to the common room.

 

“Hey, FRI?”  Tony called as soon as he plopped himself onto a couch.

 

“Yes, boss?”

 

“Can you livestream Peter’s reaction onto the TV screen with the webcam on the video’s hologram?”

 

“Of course.”  Her robotic voice held amusement as she did what she was told.

 

~

thor:  give me your fucking money!

_ thor throws loki against the wall _

**law & order special victims unit**

(loki:  i hate you, brother.)

 

_ bucky standing in his goat pasture in wakanda, they bleat defiantly _

bucky:  look at all those chickens!

_ he smiles yet his eyes harbor pain _

 

shuri:  whAT ARE THOSE?!

_ t’challa is strapped to a chair by vibranium handcuffs, he appears to be crying _

t’challa:  they are my crocs.

 

**completely giving up**

**staring me**

**me**

**me**

**and introducing me**

bruce smiles at the camera

(bruce:  what vine are we doing?)

 

“Oh no, Bruce, no.”  Peter sighs in mock exasperation.

A listening Bruce scoffs offendedly but smiles nonetheless.

 

steve:  johnny has nineteen bottles of dish soap and he gives gina-

bucky:  wait, why does johnny have so many soaps?

_ sam stops pouring the liquid onto his hands _

sam:  MIND YO BUSINESS DAVID

 

quill:  what the FUCK is up KYLE no what did you say WHAT THE FUCK DUDE STEP THE FUCK UP KYLE

 

_ it’s a candid video of stephen strange and tony talking on the couch in the sanctum sanctorum _

wong:  two bros chillin’ in the hot tub five feet apart cuz they’re not gay

(tony:  wait, what- WONG!)

_ an orange portal opens and the camera falls _

 

Peter smirks, “Ooh sis, tea.”

 

Steve in the living room just shook his head wildly, “What?”

 

_ rocket walks into groot’s room, the tree is whipping _

teen groot:  i am groot! i am groot!  (hiya! hiya!)   
rocket:  wow son your whips are getting really good!   
teen groot:  i am groot! (thanks dad!)

 

_ ned comes into view _

mj:  rah!

ned:  AHH! stop!  i could’ve dropped my croissant!

 

“Wow, they actually did it,”  Peter nodded in approval

 

thor: let me see what you have   
loki: a knife   
thor: N O   
valkyrie: oh my god why does he have a knife

 

drax:  why, why, why, why, why?  why?!

 

_ FRIDAY blaring music in the kitchen _

“-fucked drake”

steve:  no.   
“all my life, man, fuck's sake”

steve:  no   
“if i did i did a menage with 'em”

steve:  no, turn that off   
“and let 'em eat my ass like a cupcake”

steve:  NO!

 

quill:  yes, she is a bitch.  b i c t h.

 

rhodey:  go suck a dick suck a dick suck a mother fucking dick   
tony:  suck a dick, suck a huge or small dick

 

loki:  fake knife prank!   
_ loki “stabs” tony _ __  
strange:  what are you doing?!  why would you kill him like that?!   
loki:  you’re next

 

_ natasha pointing at clint’s feet _

natasha:  bitch gon step on my fuckin toe bitch with them fuckin cowgirl fuckin boots BITCH DISGUSTING

 

_ wanda and vision are romantically touching foreheads _   
tony:  what the fuck... is this allowed?  what the fuck, is this allowed?!   
wanda:  stop.

 

bruce:  we all die, you either kill yourself or get killed

_ bruce dances spastically _   
bruce:  whatcha gonna do whatcha gonna do

 

may:  hey, how you doing?  well, i’m doing just fine, i lied, i’m dying inside

 

Peter yells in delight upon seeing his aunt, and Tony in the living room asked FRIDAY to send his reaction to the woman herself.

 

strange:  i do love working here, it's just, we have a lot of laughs   
_ strange about tony's wedding _   
strange:  fuck off janet i'm not going to your fucking baby shower

 

sam:  oh by the way i talk in my sleep   
bucky:  oh yeah sure

_ sam’s on a bed while bucky stares at the ground _   
sam:  fuck you bucky you ugly piece of shit turtle lookin motherfuckin ugly-

_ he harshly throws a hat at bucky _

sam:  -cunt fucking

(bucky:  you weren’t supposed to say my name, dumbass.

sam:  shut up i’m asleep.)

 

natasha:  you can't sit with us!   
clint:  actually, MEGAN, i can't sit anywhere! i have-

_ he turns to the camera _

clint:  -hemorrhoids

 

shuri:  if your name is junior and you're really handsome, come on raise your hand   
_ t'challa smugly raises his hand _

 

_ tony kicks his leg around  _   
rhodey:  zach stop   
pepper:  zach! stop!   
rhodey:  you're gonna get in trouble!   
pepper:  zach!!   
_ nick fury is shoving tony into the ground _

 

scott:  they following me ma! they following me!   
pym:  WHO?! who's following you?!   
scott:  the bugs!   
pym:  ... THE BUGS?!

 

phil coulson:  what's better than this ?  guys being dudes

 

gamora:  smack cam!   
nebula:  bitch i hope the fuck you do cuz you'll be a dead son of a bitch i'll tell you that

 

steve:  ooh i like your accent, mm where you from?   
t'challa:  i'm liberian   
steve:  ooh, my bad. 

_ he starts whispering _

steve:  i like your accent where you from?

 

quill:  so no head?   
_ he breaks the phone then he breaks skateboard _

 

_ drax is eating some intergalactic food _

_ mantis turns to the camera _

mantis:  wow

 

ned:  nate how are those chicken strips?   
mj:  FUCK YA CHICKEN STRIPS.....FUCK ya chicken strips!

 

The black screen returns with its glorious Comic Sans type:

 

_ hope you feel better soon, we all care and love you <3  here’s a bonus just for you. _

 

~

 

_ It was a video that Wanda took a few months back of Peter on her phone.   _

 

_ He was running on twenty-three minutes of sleep, two  _ _ shots of vodka _ _ cups of coffee, a monster energy, and pure adrenaline.  He looked like a wreck. Apparently he didn’t sleep because he had to stay up doing a group project by himself and he had a breakdown about it.  The next morning his hands were shaking as he brought a spoonful of cheerios to his mouth. His jittery behavior didn’t go unnoticed. _

 

_ “You okay, kid?”  Tony placed a hand on Peter’s shoulder, to which the teen jumped at _

 

_ “Ah, sorr- why are you staring at me?” _

 

_ Peter continued to stare. _

 

_ “Uh?” _ __  
  


_ “You are my dad, you’re my dad!  Boogie woogie woogie!” _

 

_ He promptly passed out and his face slammed into his bowl of cereal. _

 

~

 

Peter looked mortified.  He didn’t remember this.

 

He was aware he was being watched through the small camera near the top of the hologram so he shouted, “Why?!”

 

The Avengers in the living room laughed at the vigilante’s cheeks flushing a deep crimson.

 

“Thanks for the embarrassment and the vines.”  Peter genuinely grinned, “I feel a lot better. I love you guys.”

 

They just smiled in response.  Mission accomplished.

 

**Author's Note:**

> that was bad but i hope you all enjoyed nonetheless


End file.
